Memories

The ever present memories that float through your head of childhood and teenage years and young adulthood. The memories that for everyone are different some good and some bad. The ever present memories that chase you through adulthood never letting go. The ones that, while still young you thought would always be with you fading slowly into the background as new ones are created. The ever present memories that chase you through adulthood never letting go. The ones that, while still young you thought you could manage to hide from yourself or at least forget.

Your memories are never what you want them to be. The ones that you cherish during the moment they are happening in your youth slowly start to lose their color and fade away. Finally you’re grasping at them as they are slipping through your fingers like smoke. Like the one of you and your first love. You know the one I’m talking about. He’s sitting in his car outside your house with the lights off. You’re laying down in the front seat with your head on his lap, his arm across your shoulders, playing with your hair. You used to remember the song that you were listening to that one time. Now you just remember both of you hearing a car horn honk a funny tune and there was no cars around but his. You remember talking for hours past your curfew just sitting there in front of your house talking until your father came outside yelling your name but you can’t remember what you talked about. You used to remember. You remember that sweet electrical current that ran through you every time he touched you and kissed you . Now you just remember it you can’t remember how it really felt because you haven’t felt it since.

How can it be that the good memories fade slowly away becoming harder and harder to remember as the memories you’d rather forget become clearer and clearer? How is it that you ended up here, at 24, seeing his wife and kids and regretting everything you did that led to the eventual demise of what was once so precious between you. How is it that you ended up here, at 24, still regretting the fateful night in 2006 that holds its ugly head over you. Life they say. Life is how you ended up hear with a handful of good memories slowly fading away while the overflowing bad memories creep slowly into your brain gaining vibrancy as they move to the front and you just keep pushing them back.

Making new memories that you aren’t sure will last and trying to scoop them up and save them by taking photos, posting on facebook-twitter-instagram-etc, recording moments, and writing blogs. Pretty soon though the memories of those times are just of the moments you tried to save.

Memories. You can’t escape them, you can’t hold onto them, you can’t keep them forever, and eventually they’ll end up like smoke slipping through your fingers. Disappearing into the wind to not be seen again by anyone except maybe just maybe the one person that could remember those times in the same way you do. The one person or two people or however many that were there in those moments. You talk about them together remembering different sections and try to fit them together like a puzzle. Memories.

 

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